I am going crazy balancing God, school, friends, and family. (Family being the latter of the four). All I know is that this is getting to be all too much.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love life. I see goodness, and I look for the great in almost everything I do now. But these trials, are the worst. I feel like giving up. I look at it this way :
A) fall back, and lose all the respect I've gained for my godliness, and love.
B) continue to go through these super rough trials that seem to have no end, and know that in the end I will gain so much.
I can only hope B. Comes into play soon enough. Well the good part. I want the respect, I want everyone to see gods love shine though me, but It takes time, so much time. Gods time, and that translates to " feels like eternity". Sometimes, gods time is so hard to accept.
Friends, are beggining to worry me. I don't know what kind of people I'm really hanging out with. I feel like I'm talking to people who always care, always care about the wrong things. The worldly things. The "what he said" things. Fitting in is the biggest burden ever. I have lose all respect for those kinds of people, the ones who get lost in "fitting in". Its ok up to a certain extent.
Although, not all my friends are like that. I have my amazing spectacular love to be around friends. Of course, they get me through a lot. Watever I seem to not trust god with. Although, he knows. I just love them so much, and I'm so thankful. I really am. Even though I've lost a few. I know I'm going to gain some excellent ones!
Tomarrow is calvary, I don't think I'm going. I don't know. Depends what I feel up to. I know I'm wrong. I know he's wrong.
Pray that I adopt the strength to drop the little things, and know my heart better than that.
*This is probably one of the most negative entrys i'll write, well I'm guessing but I don't know, just a probably.