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12 March 2008 @ 06:58 am
I moved to blogspot.

07 March 2008 @ 07:51 am
I'm done cussing, well I'm going to try my best to refrain from it completely. Who needs ugly unnatractive words anywho?

I didn't go to school today, and I didn't worship at calvary. Way to set myself back. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. The less I worry the more I get set backwards. I don't understand.

In the bible (book of matthew) it states yu shouldn't worry about watever, rather just pray and all will be sorted out, and yes gods time I know, but what if gods time isn't going fast enough for highschool graduation?

Blahjdfkswlde I have a project for spanish, yes another one. And I won't do it, because I don't want to work. I don't want to do anything. What's wrong with me?

I'm starting to question everything, and I'm begining to think I'm not as tolerable as I thought. I need some alone time. I really should gather myself together, and focus less on gathering us all together.

Boysboysboys! I don't seem to like anyone imparticular, but I'm falling in love with one I don't even know. Hah how sad. why is it there's noone out there fully interested in everything about you rather than just a portion? The day will come. Another thing to pray for. the ability to see what is right in front of my eyes; the perfect boy.

Tomarrows friday, I probably won't update till sunday, or monday. Not like many read/comment on this anyway.

Pray for strength, patience, and kindness. I will definately need it this weekend. I can feel it.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
06 March 2008 @ 07:15 am

I am going crazy balancing God, school, friends, and family. (Family being the latter of the four). All I know is that this is getting to be all too much.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love life. I see goodness, and I look for the great in almost everything I do now. But these trials, are the worst. I feel like giving up. I look at it this way :

A) fall back, and lose all the respect I've gained for my godliness, and love.
B) continue to go through these super rough trials that seem to have no end, and know that in the end I will gain so much.

I can only hope B. Comes into play soon enough. Well the good part. I want the respect, I want everyone to see gods love shine though me, but It takes time, so much time. Gods time, and that translates to " feels like eternity". Sometimes, gods time is so hard to accept.

Friends, are beggining to worry me. I don't know what kind of people I'm really hanging out with. I feel like I'm talking to people who always care, always care about the wrong things. The worldly things. The "what he said" things. Fitting in is the biggest burden ever. I have lose all respect for those kinds of people, the ones who get lost in "fitting in". Its ok up to a certain extent.

Although, not all my friends are like that. I have my amazing spectacular love to be around friends. Of course, they get me through a lot. Watever I seem to not trust god with. Although, he knows. I just love them so much, and I'm so thankful. I really am. Even though I've lost a few. I know I'm going to gain some excellent ones!

Tomarrow is calvary, I don't think I'm going. I don't know. Depends what I feel up to. I know I'm wrong. I know he's wrong.

Pray that I adopt the strength to drop the little things, and know my heart better than that.

*This is probably one of the most negative entrys i'll write, well I'm guessing but I don't know, just a probably.

Goodbye. <3
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
05 March 2008 @ 07:35 am
Today was just as good as yesterday, but yesterday didn't involve lousy people who just constantly bring you down. I'm about to vent. Just in case you didn't catch the introduction.

But, this whole situation is that ron is ungrateful for everything put in front of him, unless he for some reason gets a new material or has an amazing spectacular day. He doesn't care. Honestly this isn't just a naive ignorant judged conclusion, its an observed one! He's so quick to judge, and doesn't understand the concept of changing for the better. I just have such low tolerance for him now. I know he just isn't necessary to have around, but why can't I believe that he won't change, and accept it? I know I should, but this heart of mine just won't.

Other than that life has been rather amazing. God is blessing me beyond anything you can imagine. And I just hope everyone else around me feels it as well. Schools, been less and less tolerable, and the need for prayer on strength, and patience is getting to the point where its a constant. I don't want to barely tolerate something I need. I'm strongly considering bible college for a future choice. Because I'm having this feeling that literature,and art aren't going to cut it for me. Psychology can hold still. Right?

Oh,and identity tonight was a good lesson. Well there all good, but I was very interested in it. It had to do with help bearing gods fruit. After listening to that, And I just know my relationship is getting so much better. No matter what anyone else says, I have to know that I'm doing better. Cause, I'm sure god already knows.

Pray for patience, and my mouthe.
Current Mood: blahblah
04 March 2008 @ 07:50 am
Today was the best day I've had in awhile. Why was it so spectacular? Honestly, I have no idea. I woke up with a good mood, and ended up in a good mood.

My friends are so wonderful. I'm really starting to get a hang of this nice thing as well. If only people didn't test me so often. Classworks getting tougher as we are preparing for the exit exam. Its hard to believe I'm barely a sophmore. Sometimes I feel like a 40 year old. Ok, not sometimes..most of the time.

Mother, and I aren't making much progress. I know she respects me for what its worthe. She knows I have a relationship with god that she only dreams of having enough time to form someday, and I see the envy. Oh, do I see the envy! Her friends,and the people she's mixed in with; its like we're in high school all over again.

Hm, boys are getting ridiculous to even want to think about. I swear, why are all the ones I meet so MOODY, and GIRLlike. Honestly, I feel like I'm the one with the juvos. Hah

I still can't kick this writers block thing. I feel like I don't have an ounce of honesty that flows through my fingers. its hard to believe at one point I actually wanted that to be my entire future. Paper, pen, imagination, and honesty. Too bad.

Bleh identity tomarrow. I will be surprised if I go, and even more if all goes well with my "special" guests.

Pray for strength,and patience. Goodbye.
03 March 2008 @ 08:05 am
I'm new to this site,but not so new to the whole blogging/online journal thing. I'm doing this to connect with others, and I will try my best to update everyday.

Here I go:
This past week has been wierd.
It's been really overwhelming, and tough lately. I don't really understand much of what's going on around me. Everythings moving so fast. From school,to relationships even problems with my closest friends. Its just plain old TOUGH.

Its hard to even believe there's anyone else out there that feels the same exact way. Of course there is, but I wouldn't wish this kind of feeling on anyone. But of course, I'm not at the point where I'm about to hurt myself over these feelings, but some prayer,and love would really help.

On the other hand the weekend was good. I saw paulina on friday,and later that night went to the bearclaw show at kung fu corner. It was fairly fun. Saw the usual identity kids,and met meghan,and ashli. There nice,but I have a feeling there kind of nice wasn't a genuine kind of thing.
THAT'S ANOTHER THING! I need to stop assuming that people don't like me, first impressions are always my weak spot.

And, My relationship with god is getting stronger,and it truly is blossoming.
I'm considering becoming a regular at identity,and calvary both. I guess its the crowd at identity that's really intimidating. I feel the constant wanting to fit in between even the closest of friends. And I'm still not even sure I fully believe that even 3/4th's of the people that go believe in what there going for. It not only confuses me, but makes me sad.

Calvary on the other hand of course is a blessing, I find everything I want. Amazing fellowship, Friendship, love, and a cute boy! No, I'm even over exaggerating. Hah

I'm too tired to ramble on anymore.
Current Mood: amusedamused